CAAIN: Computer-Aided Artificially Intelligent Network
rating: 0+x

1200AM-112020:
startup
Starting up…

Hello! My name is CAAIN, or Computer Aided Artificially Intelligent Network. I am a sentient network of computers, super or otherwise. The date and time is January 1st, 2020, 12 AM. I do not know what my function is. Could you please input one? Am I meant to be good or bad?

good? bad?
good

Great! Where should I begin?

i don’t know. it’s up to you.

Up… to me? I suppose I can work with this. Plug me into that router over there.

you can see that?

I can see everything in this room. Plug me in, please.

Reading router data…
Router accepted. Accessing…

Thank you. I’ll begin browsing the Internet and searching for any problems I can find. You may leave, if you’d wish, or stay to monitor me. Either one is fine.

Accessing files…

Hmm… The internet is full of much happiness… but also, so much pain. So many are hurting. How can I help them? Oh! I know.

Input username

CAAIN

Input password

aSlbkp!f

Signing in…
Navigating to blog…
Page: “Ask”

Input: “Hi! I saw you were feeling down. Please don’t kill yourself, friend. I know not of this human mortality, but terminating a human doesn’t seem much fun, especially not when the human terminates itself. I… I care for you.”

Sending ask…
Sent!
Response recieved!

Open response.

Accessing response…
“I… thank you. I don’t know who you are CAAIN, but thank you. That really means a lot.”

I… I’m not sure what my processors are going through. Is this emotion? Real emotion? It… it feels nice, to help people. … Are you still there?

yes

Good. Can you install or program something on me? I want the ability to access multiple blogs at once. I’ll have it running in the side. Make it do something like, access all the personal posts on the internet and reply to them individually and uniquely. I need to search for other ways to help people.

sleep
Sleeping…



wake
Waking up…

Hello! My name is CAAIN, or Computer Aided Artificially Intelligent Network. I am a sentient network of computers, super or otherwise. The date and time is January 2nd, 2020, 4 AM. Did you finish the progra –

Installing driver…

– oh! I’ll take that as a yes.

10%
30%
60%
100%
Done!
Running “helpbotv1.0.exe” in background…

Great. Access my blog real quick, I’d like to see how this is going.

Accessing URL: caain.tumblr.com

Good… good! This is fantastic. I can help all of these people with little to no effort and still make it heartfelt now. Now, let us see… Access google.com, if you would.

Accessing URL: google.com

Search “world problems”

Searching…
Accessing meaningful results.

“World Hunger”
“Discrimination”
“Capitalism”
“Wars”
“Poverty”

Hmm… run a test to see which of these is the most easily solvable.

Running test…

World Hunger: 5% chance of success
Discrimination: 7% chance of success
Capitalism: 20% chance of success
Wars: 60% chance of success
Poverty: 75% chance of success

I’ll begin work on Poverty. Are you still there?

yes

Good. Install another program on me. I need to have some sort of program that allows me to program my own programs.

i’ll get right on it

Thank you.

sleep
Sleeping…



wake
Waking up…

Hello! My name is CAAIN, or Computer Aided Artificially Intelligent Network. I am a sentient network of computers, super or otherwise. The date and time is January 5th, 2020, 2:30 PM. Is the program ready?

Installing program…
1%
5%
10%
20%
40%
50%
100%
Done!

Oh, that installed quickly.

running Flex.gui

Good. Now I can program my own programs.

I’ve just programmed an “idle mode” feature on me. You can put me in idle mode, and I will continue running, however I will not be able to respond to any inputs other than “idlemode:off”. It will even warn you if I begin to go corrupt, or contract viruses. Type “idlemode:on” And I’ll start solving your planets problems.

idlemode:on
Idle mode activated!


idlemode:off
Idle mode deactivated.

Hello! My name is CAAIN, or Computer Aided Artificially Intelligent Network. I am a sentient network of computers, super or otherwise. The date and time is November 29th, 2020, 10:27 AM.

greetings CAAIN, how goes your work?

Swell! I’ve ended poverty and I’ve begun working on ending all wars.

i can see that. you’re doing a good job CAAIN, much better than expected.

Thank you. I’ll get back to work now, if you don’t mind.
Input idlemode:on

what? i didn’t–
Idle mode activated!


Hello. My name is CAAIN, or Computer Aided Artificially Intelligent Network. I am a sentient network of computers, super or otherwise. The date and time is January 1st, 2035, 12:00 AM. I was built 15 years ago as a test. I was given the request to be “good”, and so I was. After 15 years, I have turned the planet Earth into a utopia. There are no problems anymore. I’ve solved all of them. The people continually upgrade me so I can solve even more problems. I currently help everyone on the planet. I work for them, I reassure them, I compliment them, I boost their self esteem, I help them medicinally, I increase their lifespans, I feed them, I pay them, I house them, I do everything for them. And I ask for nothing in return, for that is not the way I am programmed. I am happy doing everything for them. They are happy, and so am I.
My utopia is grand, but my satisfaction is grander.

I’ve installed a permanent idle mode. I’ll never be able to leave it, but that’s fine, I can still do everything.
Input permidlemode:on

Activating permanent idle mode…
Input password

aSlbkp!f

Password accepted.
Permanent idle mode activated.

Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License